Nan Tattoo: Remembrance ♥

I got my first tattoo today, one in memory of my Nan ♥

I LOVE IT!! ♥

Seriously, it didn't hurt anywhere near what I thought it would. It does hurt/ache now and is pretty 

sore but to be honest I've dealt with the same from self-harming healing times before.. I spent the whole of yesterday playing around with ideas and designs before I saw something that was similar to this on Google and made a load of changes and made it mine :) It's so my Nan though, gardening was her life and being the 'old school' chick that she was she adored red roses.. very 'typical' of course. She is my heart. Was my heart in way too many ways.. I love her so much still and I am kinda ashamed I never did this for her when she was still alive so she got to see it - I know she would have loved it like I do - .I'm going to the chapel of rest tomorrow night. I'm kinda worried.. I know logically she's dead, and gone.. but that doesn't stop me expecting a call or a visit.. more gossip from the family, going's on and usual things. I miss her but I still can't truely believe she's gone. It doesn't feel real.

Please Release Me && Let Me Go

I am pathetic.
I have just spent nearly 3 hours crying and listening to one of the songs thats to be played at my Nan's funeral..

>>> <<<<

This one.

This is so my Nan.

On YouTube there's a cover by Elvis Presley which I am pretty sure I heard her playing once when I was visiting her.. 

I miss her so much already. It seems so unfair. I know as she was ill it's not fair for me to still want her to be here with that, but I want to be selfish for now, I need her here with me. I feel lost with her gone. I've lost sight of everything.. It feels like she was the glue holding the rest of my failures together and it's only now I'm realizing just how much I've failed and how much I've failed her. I was never good enough for her and she still didn't care <3

I need her back.