My first memory is of watching my sister fall off her scooter and graze her knee, her crying and my mum running to her and giving her kisses and cuddles and telling her 'Mummy, will make it better' I was only about 4/5 and this is the first time I remember feeling hate and jealousy.
PINK! ♥
Paramore! Linkin Park, BFMV ♥ Avril Lavigne. Eminem and PLUMB!
Myy Little Man - Kitten - 10 months ♥
I am scared of; Clowns, The Dark, Change, Unknown Places/People.
I like to plan details. Being late is not even an option.
Not planning something is scary.
I hate liers, fakes and downright rude ignorance.
Trusting others doesn't come naturally.
Fear of Failure=sometimes wont try because it's easier to say
it didn't work because I didn't try then to say
despite the fact I tried it still didn't work.
I prefer to be in control.
I like even numbers.
I like the number 4 - It's a safe number, a good number.
I have a rountine of 4 things that I do;wash my face, brush my hair,
brush my teeth, wash my hands. [which is also symmetrical]
I do this 4 times a day. Or 8 times. 12 or *16*.. I'm sure you get the picture.
I walk to relax, hurt myself, fufill 'tasks' and to run away/escape..
I have a route I walk which is 6 miles. I walk this twice a day at least
[12miles]I am happiest when I've walked it 4 times [24miles]
because it's doubly good and extra extra safe.
I think bad things wont happen if I complete my routines.
My obsessions take up alot of time and get in the way of most things,
but to keep on top of my anxiety it's worth it.
Problematically my ED behaviours can feed into my exercise which
complicates decreasing them in any way.
I value myself by what other people think of me.
I fear my emotions and moods, what they do to me and the ways in
which I cope and the destruction left for me to clean up afterwards.
I never know how to start or finish things..letters, conversations, posts.
I hate and fear my own birthday; it holds a lot of HORRIBLE memories for me. Other times in the year are hard too, but when it's a day I've failed to enjoy for so long because of the memories and/or abuse occuring it's a definate dreaded day.
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