Confused Minds.

So fed up of not being able to make myself feel better. 

Got a date for the funeral : 1st April. 

Apparently too many people are dying at this time of year in my area.. 

So this is all going to drag out for a ridiculous amount of time. 

I don't really know if I'm going to make it that long. 

I have got to try and cope for at least that long. 

I feel bad that I'm going to be leaving my sisters after promising I'd be there 

for them when Mum was first ill. Through my mind runs all these conflicting ideas 

and wants/needs.. I don't know how to help the family knowing that I don't 

plan on being around to completely see it through.

I don't know how I'm supposed to protect the people I love: without being here

any longer then I have to be..

Self-harming is becoming too regular again. I can't decide if it's worth being

bothered about it when I should be dead soon enough.