I felt pretty flat yesterday; but in a more, seriously depressed but so tired that I can't even feel it type way. It's kinda hard, thoughts of hurting myself are becoming so much more constant..This hatred I have for myself is becoming harder to control.. I feel like I am falling apart, bit by bit, day by day; memory by memory. Why do I have to have such a long seriously bad memory period.. If I knew this would only last a short while then I think it would be easier to take, to deal with.. But knowing this will be hard, for the next load of months [5ish].. Knowing things are not going to get better for a long time and that they are going to get a whole lot harder for ages before theres any kind of improvement, does not exactly help fill me with hope. Struggling already, does definitely not help me feel like I'm going to be doing well this year.
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