You Can Take Me, But Not My Dreams ♥

You were supposed to save me.  

Instead you broke me more.

I loved you. 

I LOVE you!

Yet pretty much every memory I have of you is painful.

Why can't I think about you without feeling sick.

Tears filling my eyes, fear, pain, desperation..

I wish I could hate you like I want to.

Tonight I would like to sleep and not think of you. 

Not remember you touching me, holding me, hurting me..

I don't want to remember how much I cried. 

Everytime you used my problematic family relationships against me.

I can still feel you on me. Smell you near. 

Can you feel my fear? Or would that be too close to reality for you?

I don't want to think about how I am to blame..

How 'I wanted this' and how much of a 'tease' I am.

I don't wanna see your eyes flash; that warning sign..

To realise I am not safe, I'm not your's, but again, I'm still not mine.

Your ownership and possession of my body; of my mind.

Bruised, battered, blood and pain.

I still don't want to hear that you are sorry, again.

Promises upon promises. 

Broken, again and again.

I want MY mind back, my body, my soul. 

Despite the 9 months since I last saw you.. 

You still have me. 

All of me. Every last part.

My first and last thoughts.

Haunting my days and in turn, playing with my dreams.

The thrill I'm sure you'd feel if you knew all this.

You've caused me irrepairable damage.

And I still love you. 

And I hate it.

What do I have to do to let go?

MY J, would never have hurt me like you have.

Was MY J an act? Did he even exist at all?

♥ "Why do I love you? 

Don't even want to.

Why do I love you like I, 

like I always do" ♥