Christmas Eve [just] ♥

It's here. Finally. I suppose the sooner it's here the sooner it's over. I don't wanna feel so negative about it all, and I'm really truely trying to join in with everyone, and everything.. I'm making so much effort and sometimes I feel so good it's like I'm convincing myself that I actually wanna be here too. We've had a few drinks tonight (: not much but enough for us to be a bit 'giggly' then we played Twister.. which although being so close to other people freaked me out was funny enough to overcome that so I think I genuinely enjoyed that. My mum told me I'd regret it if I didn't come over.. which is probably right, to be fair.. but I wish I could have come to this conclusion by myself. To have made this decision to come over on my own. So it was completely my OWN decision - I don't wanna have a little thing against mum for a while because I felt 'forced' into this. I don't think I'd have felt so forced if she hadn't of brought the girls into it all.. she ended up doing the whole "But the girls need you here, it wont be the same for them if there sister isn't here" and "After the year we've had your gonna let your sisters down like this" STUPID! I dont wanna be guilted into doing things that I might not wanna do.  My sisters do mean the absolute world to me. Beyond this world! I am fed up of my feelings for people being used against me. I'm supposed to be watching some movie with the family, but I'm so damn tired. Still. So I've come up to settle for bed. Having this act on for such a long period of time is so hard.. I'd forgotten how hard it was seeing as I haven't been home for this length of time in a fairly long time. *sigh* I just want it all to be over to be honest. I'm hoping people will like there presents of course, but I know already I'm going to be beyond stressed for the next few days especially.. when I go back home I'm gonna end up sleeping for a few days pretty straight I can imagine. Okay, gotta try and get some sleep. On top of everything else, I've forgotten to bring my teddy - I actually can't sleep without him, so tonight should be interesting I suppose. I'm so annoyed with myself for that! Stupidness, allowing the stress of it all to get to me so much that I've left behind things I need.