To Cut Or Not To Cut; That Is The Question.

Self-harm. Self-mutilation, Self-Injury.. 

Whatever you call it. Whatever you consider it. 

It all means the same thing.

Deliberating hurting yourself.

Wikipedia describes it as; Self-Harm

 "Intentional, direct injuring of body tissue without suicidal intent."

It's a coping strategy. 

It can bring pain or relief, numbness or feeling, punishment or attempts to cope. It can give you space and time to manage or avoid your feelings. And/or trigger even more feelings.

Self-Harm can be cutting, burning, scratching, banging or hitting body parts, interfering with wound healing, hair-pulling (trichotillomania) and the ingestion of toxic substances or objects.

I self-harm as a completely last resort. If I cut, then I've already done/tried every other technique I have within my grasp to tolerate/cope with/manage things and it hasn't helped/worked either at all or enough to mean I can tolerate the feelings again.. When I self-harm it is often self-harm or attempt suicide.. like a final barrier.. the last wall before all control is lost. 

How do you decide when it's okay to do something so negative. If it's okay to fast because then you wont cut, or conversely it's okay to cut because otherwise you wouldn't eat.. it's okay to self-harm if it'll stop you ODing or attempting suicide.. it's okay to self-harm rather then hurt someone else - it's okay to hurt yourself instead of someone else.. It's okay to run 6 miles because then you wont self-harm.. it's okay to drink this bottle of vodka so you don't self-harm.. It's okay to take a 'small' overdose so you wont take a bigger one, or so you'll sleep and wont have to deal with the feelings..

Where and when are the boundries, how do you decide upon them and how do you make sure you stick to them.. make sure you don't continue up to the next level.

When I feel like this - intense, intense agony yet numb at the same time, crying so hard I can barely breathe and dirty from memories, paranoid, terrified, like life is completely unbearable - is it okay to self-harm? Is it even a choice, I've already not eaten and walked 6 miles.. so would it be wrong for me to do the 'instead of' part of the deal anyway. I will try not to, and try not to break my deal.. 

But how do you deal with this? How does everyone else decide?
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