Post-Christmas ♥

So. Over. Finished. Complete.
Yet I feel so ergh over having so nothing to occupy me now.. the last few weeks have been so occupied with sorting out christmas and trying to sort out what I was doing this year.. I'm not sure about new years yet, I think maybe some more time with the family? Hmm.. More thought is needed!! This ergh-ness is getting me down, all day I've been back home and most of what I can think about is cutting. All I wanna do is cut.. and yet I don't really know why. I've felt worse then this before and normally it takes so much for me to need to, let alone for me to give in and do it. I was hoping I'd feel better once it was all over but it doesn't seem like that's whats going to happen. I'm so confused.. I want all the shit thats in my head to go away.. for everything to just fuck off and leave me alone. I dont wanna sit here and remember these things. These things that hurt so much. Damn you memory! Struggle to remember the good times yet you have no problem remembering the bad times.. I'm back to fasting tomorrow.. and although thats a relief I know it's gonna be hard to do it again, after eating more normally over christmas.. I have eaten a little today, but without exercise; it's all gonna be thrown back in together tommorow so hopefully I'll feel better for that. We'll see. I know I feel like a failure for eating and 'giving in' over christmas but I'm hoping it wont take me too long to re-lose it, well.. I can hope, just gotta keep hope I suppose. Hoping everyone else has had a good Christmas.. I know this can be a really hard time of year for others aswell.