♥ T- I Love You Soo Much ♥

Dear Rainbow,
You are my best friend and although our lives have changed in some ways I still need you like
I first needed you. I love you, that will never change. Please be my dude forever? I know
your trying and we're all proud of your efforts.
Don't be disheartened by little slips. You wouldn't be our S, our bestest dude if you weren't you; we love you; quirks and all (:
Never Forget that and never give up. ♥
T
xoxox

This is a little note from my best friend recieved on the 23rd Dec 10. Things have been hard between us this year due to her getting a 'serious' boyfriend and her struggling to fit the time she had between us. In typical Borderline fashion I at first threw complete fits "because she didn't like/love me anymore, didn't/wouldn't care if I died etc", couldn't cope with it and consequentely did some self-harming type things and refused to see her for a while. We've moved on from that, dealt with it all, and she's proved [yet again] that she's here to stay. I love you so much T ♥ Thank you so much for everything despite the fact I can be soo unbelievably hard to work with. I'm stubborn and arkward and distrustful.. but I'm also loving, caring and extremely loyal. Please know that I'm only like this with you especially because you mean so fucking much to me.. I would hurt so much to lose you and this is what it felt like when you were choosing to be with other people instead of me. Silly I know, but I can't help how my brain works. I'm glad you can see through it all though. My best friend forever. My DUDE! I know that and you know that, but thanks for reminding me because we all know how much I forget these things in times of stress and freak-out.. ♥ You mean the world to me, please don't ever leave! ♥

I Made It (:

I am so relieved! Stupidly, estatically relieved.. it's all over (:

I will admit it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be there were extremely tough moments but due to Mum's recent illness it looks like people were trying extra hard to make everything work, and although I cant stand fakeness normally, I felt it was better then stupid arguments and tension - don't get me wrong, there was still both, but it was no-where near the same sorta level it generally is at!  So now that leaves me feeling just a general, back-ground level of shitness, but eccessively fat.. I have gained weight :( Not as much as I thought I would, but enough for me to really, really hate myself specially for it.. double figures of weight gain does definately not please me. To calm myself I'm just trying to look at it as I've lost it all before, I can lose it again.. but I can't help thinking that it would have been better to have kept that weight off and to have used the last week to lose more..

*Sigh* I suppose it is what it is.. I can't take it back now, and I don't really believe in regret.. 

Either way.. Plus I really want all this snow/ice to fuck right off!

Seriously. It's just beyond pissing me off right now.. I'm stressed, fat, tired and full of anxiety about my walks because I don't particularly feel like falling on my ass repeatedly. To be fair, it isn't going to stop me walking.. but I do have to walk slower.. quite a bit slower then my normal pace.. which I hate..

Got a stupid appointment with my psych next week I think.. or is it the week after.. hmm.. should probably try and find out.