Dad,
Firstly Merry Christmas!
We've made it through to the end of this year and damn, what a year we've had. I know I probably don't say it enough, in fact I can't even remember the last time I did. I love you. You mean the world to me, you are my dad and I never imagine it or want it any other way. I know it should be water under the bridge by now but things like that still hurt, but thank-you! The way yoiu have been with me through-out the break up and Mum's illness has made me feel more part of the family now then I ever have before. I suppose because I'm not the easiest person to be with I assumed if there was ever a chance to leave me out, you'd take it. Obviously this year there has been more then one chance for you to do that and you still havent. I can now believe things you told me when I was 13. You ARE my dad, you always will be and I love you so much. I'm sorry I've never really told you this before. Again, I love you, I'm sorry for how I have been in the past and although I don't think you will. Please don't leave me now.
Love Forever
x
Okay, so this is most of a letter I'm putting in my dad's christmas card, things have been difficult in the past, particularly after I found out he wasn't my biological father at 13. I thought I'd dealt with all of this.. years and years ago. Writing to my dad was supposed to just be a 'Thank-You' note, for being amazing whilst all the shit was going down. :/ Whilst writing a lot more came out, and I've realised that so much of the time I thought I was fine with it all I wasnt.. and in those terms, it explains one hell of a lot. It's really making me think alot about different things. [I'll post more when I've got my head around it a bit more, having to re-open doors that I didn't realise needed to be re-looked at and into] Christmas very soon now. Still worried, still slightly freaking out. But also kinda resigned for the inevitable. Really short post today. I'm sorry. :( I've got a lot on my mind but don't seem able to focus enough to get it out in a sensible and logical manner. I'll probably try again later.
No comments:
Post a Comment