ESA Lady (:

So as part of getting my ESA benefits, I have to do some meetings with A; ESA Lady. I'm in the 'Support' group so we don't really do much constructive..but just someone else who can open other doors for me I suppose.. this is only the second time I've seen her, and she's my second person. I LOVE her..seriously, she is amazing, we're SOO like-minded. She's funny, cheerful and has a pretty good knowledge of most things, both mental and physical health..it's times when I meet people like her and I wonder how I ended up with such a shit mental health team when someone who works with mental health, although in a different area, is so, so much better as a whole at working with me.. We had a good chat, random things, and then moved on to the tasks I was set; I had completed both infact over so for one, because instead of just getting the prospectus and 'browsing' college courses, I got a prospectus, browsed, chose a course and applied.   

She was thrilled (: 

Haha, damn, I'm such a people pleaser when I'm able to be. 

We spoke about my Care-Co-Ordinator and how;

"yes, she is out of order for not having read my file and that no, I'm not just being sensitive and reading too much into this" 

or something.. she was completely shocked.. 'furious' was her word so maybe angry is more appropriate.Talked about my heart, about my family, worries - my anxiety is often a mess when I see her thanks to the long bus journey and public place bit of it all.. and then more random stuff and talks of and about her own life - she has a daughter about my age.

This appointments new tasks are;

I have to write questions for my appointment tommorrow with the doctors down, so I don't forget them even once I'm in a complete and utter panic over it all && to continue to look after myself and my health. Now I've come to write the questions I had - I can't remember them.. fuck.

Not All One In The Same (:

Completely Random Post! 

So there's a new tenant in one of the upstairs flats.. I've seen him around a few times, talked with him in his flat the other week but tonight I spent hours in his flat with him.  He's so super sweet.. easy to talk to,  understanding.. trustworthy.. 

I suppose I'd forgotten in a way that not all guys are arrogant stuck-up twats who don't respect other people or there personal space.. I'd forgotten why I always had more male friends then female.. the whole easyness of it all was amazing.. No bitching.. No So-and-So said this about Whoever..  Nothing like that.. just peaceful, honest talk. Important things, he was upfront and honest. Everything I'd loved my old male friends for. Until I got to a certain age then things were more arkwardBeing able to talk about just random things and it not lead into a "Yes, I was had depression the other day" but I just 'got over it 'The irony of course being that you have to be 'depressed' for weeks for it to count as depression. 

He's just so NICE! Not nice in a - I'm trying to get in your pants - kind of way. Really, seriously, truely nice. He thinks I'm AMAZING [big-headed moment :)] He says that he normally finds it so hard to open up and talk to other people but he found me so easy to be with and talk honestly too. I'm so glad I've found someone again, help me re-gain my faith in men.. I know logically that they can't all be the same, but when your proved otherwise repeatedly it's hard to remember that. More then anything. I felt safe. Completely and utterly safe. Not once did I worry about him in that way and I didn't even find him triggering - which is odd in itself because normally I'm triggered quite easily.